Not My Circus....Forgiveness

We had another great day of sharing ideas, thoughts and wisdom at the Not my Circus, Not my Monkey's workshop.  An interesting theme that emerged at this meeting was Forgiveness.  How do you forgive the past with someone so that you can move forward to a clearer and more peaceful future?  

Here are the top 3 pieces of wisdom that were shared: 

1.  Be your own Best Friend first. 

When people are whole within themselves, they look to others to complement their lives rather than fill a void.  Forgiveness, then, becomes something that enriches a life rather than something that is necessary to make a life feel whole or fulfilled.  Often, we tell ourselves that we are looking to give forgiveness when , in reality we're hoping to reconnect with the person that we've lost.


2.  Check you motives: 

It's important to ask yourself the  questions.  "Why is this important to me?" . "What am I looking for?" 

"Why am I wanting to do this now". " What is my reason for doing this?"  It's so important to take time and look at what your truly seeking from giving forgiveness. Often it's about hope.  We hope that the other person will embrace you with open arms. We hope that past issues can be resolved. We hope that there can be some new, wonderful relationship that can unfold. All of this hope may mean that your journey of forgiveness isn't truly about self freedom. You're actually diving right back into the circus and hoping to exert some control over the monkeys in there.


3. You can only control your own inner Monkeys: 

The giving of forgiveness needs to be about filling a desire in you. You can't control how others may react. They may not be interested in accepting your forgiveness.  They may not be interested in even acknowledging you. It's important to remember that you can't control the other end of the situation. Your effort at forgiveness needs to be the important part for you

There is so much to think and talk about on this topic. It's often at the root of the toxic dance we do with people in our lives. As we seek closure, we may convince ourselves that our willingness to forgive will make things better. But, if we aren't clear on who we are, and what our hopes are as we go down that road, we're going to get pulled right back into the circus!

Women and Wisdom....I wish I was Superwoman!!

Women and Wisdom is back for another exciting year of conversation and learning.  Workshops start Tuesday, Oct 25 2016 and will generally continue on the 4th Tuesday of each month.


Follow this link for more information:

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Parenting...the toughest journey

Parenting is about feeling completely inept and unprepared at least half of the time. We are given these vulnerable little lives and try our best to protect, teach and nurture these little people so that they can grow to become amazing adults. This is the dream of all parents. We all try our best to make it a reality.

What happens when things go wrong? What if our little people grow to do not so amazing things? What if they end up on a wrong road? How do we help them then?  Who do we blame? Ourselves? Their peers? The establishment? The world is quick to blame the parent for their child's transgressions. How can a parent be blamed when we're all just trying to do the best that we can? Parenting doesn't come with a Manual. There is no code book that unlocks the mystery.

A recent situation in my small town has had these questions weighing heavily lately. Young men, just past their teens. A theft. A vendetta. Now, serious criminal charges for some. I think about their parents. I think about the worry, the remorse and shame. Did these parents see what was coming for their sons? Were they afraid? Helpless? Why is it that the world makes us feel as though we should have the answers? That we should always know the " right way" to do it?

Too often, we struggle in the shadows. Too embarrassed to ask for help. Toovulnerable to admit that we're stuck and scared. It's time to take the struggles out of the shadows. It's time to be okay to admit that we don't always have the answers; sometimes we need help and support to figure it out.

My wish for all parents is this:  ask for help when you're feeling stuck or scared. Speak with a counsellor. Call a parent coach. Attend workshops. Wrap yourself in a web of support so that you aren't travelling this journey alone. Do whatever you can to find the help that you need to keep yourself and your children on track.



Family Works presents 'Women & Wisdom'

Women & Wisdom

discussions and answers for everyday life



January:  I wish I was Superwoman but.....  Breaking the Myth of Perfection

February:  “keeping your sanity when life gets insane”:  Self Care tips and ideas

March:  “Not my circus, not my monkeys”:  healthy boundaries &  relationships with exes, in-laws & everything in between

April:  Parenting from poop to pubescence and beyond:  Sharing tips and strategies for the life long parenting journey

May:   When your junk drawer has a junk drawer:  Decluttering our stuff and our schedules