Not My Circus....Forgiveness

We had another great day of sharing ideas, thoughts and wisdom at the Not my Circus, Not my Monkey's workshop.  An interesting theme that emerged at this meeting was Forgiveness.  How do you forgive the past with someone so that you can move forward to a clearer and more peaceful future?  

Here are the top 3 pieces of wisdom that were shared: 

1.  Be your own Best Friend first. 

When people are whole within themselves, they look to others to complement their lives rather than fill a void.  Forgiveness, then, becomes something that enriches a life rather than something that is necessary to make a life feel whole or fulfilled.  Often, we tell ourselves that we are looking to give forgiveness when , in reality we're hoping to reconnect with the person that we've lost.

 

2.  Check you motives: 

It's important to ask yourself the  questions.  "Why is this important to me?" . "What am I looking for?" 

"Why am I wanting to do this now". " What is my reason for doing this?"  It's so important to take time and look at what your truly seeking from giving forgiveness. Often it's about hope.  We hope that the other person will embrace you with open arms. We hope that past issues can be resolved. We hope that there can be some new, wonderful relationship that can unfold. All of this hope may mean that your journey of forgiveness isn't truly about self freedom. You're actually diving right back into the circus and hoping to exert some control over the monkeys in there.

 

3. You can only control your own inner Monkeys: 

The giving of forgiveness needs to be about filling a desire in you. You can't control how others may react. They may not be interested in accepting your forgiveness.  They may not be interested in even acknowledging you. It's important to remember that you can't control the other end of the situation. Your effort at forgiveness needs to be the important part for you

There is so much to think and talk about on this topic. It's often at the root of the toxic dance we do with people in our lives. As we seek closure, we may convince ourselves that our willingness to forgive will make things better. But, if we aren't clear on who we are, and what our hopes are as we go down that road, we're going to get pulled right back into the circus!

Karen Patterson

Muskoka Family Works, 55 Main Street West, Huntsville, ON, P1H 1W9